Just a Gwai Lo

Somebody on #joiito linked to a public radio feature on advice: in part 1 Sarah Vowell does whatever people tell her to do about her insomnia and the introduction to part 2 is more about the advice column industry than advice itself; part 2 has nothing to do with advice and everything to do with Dan Savage talking about how gay guys can check out hot straight guys without getting caught—it's actually really funny—and part 3 is ... you know, I wasn't paying attention to part 3). The reason I know it was on #joiito is because it appeared at del.icio.us/chomp_joiito. I've ranted about advice before, on this weblog and on #joiito, so whoever linked to it may have directed it at me. The feature purports to answer why advice is given and is sought, and at one point we hear that that the people who give advice feel great about themselves and the people who receive advice feel terrible about themselves. That answers to my satisfaction why people like giving advice, but not why people ask for it.

Eric seeks some free advice for how to help a co-worker who wants to date another co-worker. I can see at least 4 problems with this:

1. He's asking for advice, which is also known as asking to be told what to do. It's odd for people in their twenties to want to be told what to do, having recently been teenagers and hating it when their parents did it. Also, people in their twenties—yes, there are exceptions—have bosses who tell them what to do too. Granted, they're (hopefully) being paid to do what the boss says, so there's at least a trade off. But why do it for free?
2. If I get something for free, normally I'm happy. But I get a little nervous when that thing is ticking.
3. He's asking for advice about something that doesn't benefit him directly. Oh, he'll get "gratitude" if he succeeds in getting the couple together, but a lot of times "gratitude" is another way of saying "why didn't I think of that?"
4. Two co-workers who are not currently dating but at least one of which wishes to date the other: have fun with that cocktail.

Eric was nice and vague about the circumstances, wrapping the words tennis, date and Easter in quotes, no doubt inoculating himself from any of the above criticisms. I make them regardless.